Family Resource Center, Inc.

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Services The Family Resource Center offers a variety of services to victims of domestic violence. Safety and protection from their abuser is often the most urgent concern of a domestic violence victim. We provide safe temporary shelter for those who need it as well as information, referrals, and advocacy for those who may need to seek a Protective Order or make other legal arrangements. Victims also need a variety of assistance in making important decisions and life changes. To help with this, we provide supportive counseling, referrals, safety planning, goal-setting, court and legal advocacy, and support groups. All of our services are free and confidential. What is Domestic Violence? Domestic violence is the use or threat of force by a member of a family or household, boyfriend or girlfriend, member of a former relationship, or other relative against another member of the same family or household. The goal of domestic violence is domination and control. Is Domestic Violence just hitting? No. Abuse is abuse. Emotional abuse can be a major part of domestic violence. Emotional abuse usually involves an abuser constantly doing or saying things to shame, insult, tease, embarrass, belittle, or mentally hurt and isolate another person. Emotional Abuse can include: Constant criticism Manipulation through threats Humiliation Name-calling Embarrassment Mind games Isolation Cutting off support systems Controlling your money Captivity Brainwashing The silent treatment Ignoring your feelings How does Emotional Abuse affect me? Someone who abuses you emotionally is trying to keep control over you in some way. They are trying to keep you from having any power and control of your own life. Once an abuser can no longer maintain control with words it is likely that they will resort to physical violence to keep power over their victim. Abusers will use many tactics to wear you down. As a result you may feel: Fearful Tired Distant from other people Down on yourself Dependent Crazy Loss of appetite Tense or anxious Emotionally Drained Physically Drained Some of the above symptoms can affect you physically too. They should be recognized as the serious health concerns they are. Why am I treated this way? All abuse is an act of violence from one person toward another. The need for power and control makes a person abusive. Stress does not cause the abuse. Alcohol does not cause the abuse. You do not cause the abuse. Abusive behavior has been a successful method for the abuser to get what they want in the past. Their anger is intense, unpredictable, and irrational, but remember: You cannot change the abuser—they must want to change You are not responsible for the abuser’s anger You cannot predict the abuser’s anger The anger and abuse may only get worse with time Why do I stay? You may feel that you have to stay in an abusive relationship because of your family or community. You might try to change your behavior to keep from being abused, but that may not always work. You might have any one of dozens of reasons for staying…including that you still love this person. What can I do? Know that abuse is not your fault. No one deserves to be abused emotionally or in any other way. Find support by talking to others who you think will listen. If it is safe to do so, talk to family, friends, religious leaders, counselors, or other members of your community about the abuse. Contact the Family Resource Center at 1.800.613.6145. A Safe Plan for Abused Women A safe plan is a plan of action designed to help keep a woman and her children as safe as possible. Think through possible escape routes—if you feel an attack may be about to begin, make your exit before it starts. Try not to leave without your children. Do not attempt to threaten him with a weapon. It can easily be turned against you. Get an extra car key and hide it. When you need to get away, you may not be able to get your keys. Also try to hide a little extra money for phone calls. Think through now, before the attack, just where you will go. Will it be a safe place? If you have no family or friends that can house you, consider calling the Family Resource Center at 800.613.6145. Pack an extra set of clothes and shoes for yourself and your children. Store these with a neighbor, friend or a church if you are not planning to leave immediately. Gather important documents that you might need such as birth certificates, social security numbers, marriage license, medical insurance information, important phone numbers, financial records, and children’s school records. If possible, have important documents photocopied and keep copies in a safe place, perhaps with the extra clothes you have stored. Inform a neighbor about the violence and the potential need for the police. Work out a signal such as blinking the lights on and off, banging on the wall, or screaming a word or two into the phone to let the neighbor know to call the police.